Archive: Originally published 08/31/2010 on mac.com
Certain folken (um, Libertarians, I’m lookin’ at you) often claim they never signed a social contract. But they agree to software licenses all the time, and for all they know, they’ve just signed away their children, their total net worth and their lifetime income.
So… we need an End User Social Contract Agreement.
EUSCA (End User Social Contract Agreement)
To be posted on every faucet connected to a municipal water supply, at every entrance to a publicly maintained road, on every electrical outlet*, on every telephone – cellular or hard-line**, on all food products bought and sold within the territorial boundaries of the United States, and on all consumer goods bought or sold within the territorial boundaries of the United States:
These terms of service apply to the exchange of goods, services and rights of all persons be they a natural born citizen, a naturalized citizen, a legal resident, visitor or undocumented person within the territorial boundaries of the United States. These terms of service are subject to change through the exercise of the rights of suffrage, lobbying or other means of alterations of policy as deemed legal by the various judicial and legislative bodies of the United States of America, including but not limited to city councils, county boards of supervisors, state legislatures, the US Congress and the United States Supreme Court.
1. Your Relationship with the Social Contract
Your use of this [water/road/electricity/telephone/food/consumer good] (referred to collectively as Services in this document and excluding any services provided to you by society under a separate agreement) is subject to the terms of a legal agreement between you and the rest of society. “Society” means every other living, breathing human being with whom you share the planet, and specifically means those who interact with you either in person, in place or via telecommunications networks, or who, due to the collective nature of our atmosphere, mineral resources and water supply, must interact with the same air, minerals or water you have touched, used, or otherwise consumed. This document explains how this agreement is made up, and sets out some, but not all, of the terms of that agreement.
1.2 Unless otherwise agreed in writing with all members of Society, your agreement to the social contract is implied by the use of the Services as outlined above and will always include, at minimum, the terms and conditions set out in this document. These are referred to below as the Universal Terms.
1.3 Your agreement with Society also includes the terms set forth in the US Constitution, the US Bill of Rights and other laws made by duly elected representative bodies in your local municipality, county, state or country, as long as you continue to reside within the boundaries of the United States or claim US citizenship while outside the territorial boundaries. This agreement with Society can be revoked only by removing yourself from the society entirely, either by death, the most common means, or by immigrating to a location where Society is not present, or where Society has ceased to function as an entity capable of enforcing this contract. For a list of such places, please reference the US Department of State’s International Travel Advisory listings and choose a locale from the list of current Travel Warning sites.
1.4 The Universal Terms, together with any additional terms, form a binding agreement between you and Society in regards to your use of the Services.
2. Accepting the Terms
2.1 In order to use the Services, you must first agree to the terms. You may not use the Services if you do not accept the Terms.
2.2 You can accept the Terms by:
A) Opening the faucet to allow water to flow
B) driving, biking, walking, rollerskating, skateboarding or otherwise making use of the publicly maintained road either by means of powered or human locomotion, or by sitting, standing or lying upon it
C) by connecting any device to the power outlet
D) by making use of the telephonic network for any reason and with any device
E) by consuming the attached food
F) by using the attached consumer good
G) by signing and dating a copy of this Social Contract when the option was made available to you.
2.3 By using any of the Services, you understand and agree that Society will treat your use of the Services as acceptance of the Terms from that point onwards.
*Per Rural Electrification Project, 1935 – 1972
** Rural Telephony Act